adieu

Dear Pump,

I never thought I would see you as often as I have; your whirring has become a constant companion these last few months, much to my chagrin. I am grateful to you for enabling me to provide my daughter with very nutritious breastmilk in her first months of life. But I am not sad to see you go.  To me, you have been the only negative thing about having a child. You represent all that went wrong.  You have taxed my body beyond its limit, and have taken the joy out of long showers. You symbolize my failure for not being able to feed my daughter naturally, and I have cried many tears while using you. You are currently making me feel guilty for putting you away. You have made me eliminate all modesty, and you made the first three weeks hell. You have been a weight on my shoulders so consistent, I’m sure it will take a while for me to stand tall once more.  But again, without you, my baby would not have gotten any breastmilk. At all. So thank you, for that.

I am not sad to see you go. The desire to put you away and never look at you again overwhelmingly defeats any small guilt I have for not giving my daughter breastmilk any more.  So, wretched and blessed pump, I will see you in a couple of years, and we can then hopefully have a normal relationship, the kind I was expecting when I bought you.

Sincerely,

Susan

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